General update.
Got in contact with the escalation team and immediately had a crew sent over. They confirmed everything in my home was OK and that the issue is with the neighborhood node being over utilized. Our node is potentially scheduled for a 3.1 upgrade sometime next month (not a node split) and this may or may not resolve the issue.
The 30 minute checkout will be enough to satisfy my FCC complaint and I will likely be offered partial reimbursement for lost service.
I don't think there's any winning here. I bought a state sanctioned lemon and have no one to blame but myself for not doing appropriate research on the isp situation in the neighborhood I've moved into.
gg